I need to get this off my chest because it’s been suffocating me for 17 years.

2021.09.20 10:52 RootLevelUser I need to get this off my chest because it’s been suffocating me for 17 years.

I am 22 years old man and child sexual assault survivor who has been in denial about what happened to me for over a decade and a half now.
If you are one of the weirdos who comes here to get off to people’s traumas please put your dick in your pants and turn back now. I feel violated by you people.
Long story short when I was a young kid I was used as a sex toy multiple times by a much larger older boy who never penetrated me but grabbed my body and rubbed my ass against his dick until he was on the verge of cumming but he would never cum on me.
This fucked up my boundaries and sense of masculinity for years to come and made me see myself as a sexual being before I even knew what sex was.
I was 5 when I was sexually abused and I learned what sex was when I was 6. I saw my first porn pictures at 7, and my first porn video at 11.
TRIGGER WARNING HERE The trauma and feeling of lost masculinity because of my assault lead me to develop increasingly extreme and dehumanizing fantasies of raping women and leaving them utterly destroyed and shaking to reclaim my masculinity and caused me to get addicted to all sorts of terrible porn.
I hate porn now and I hate the porn industry I hope they are annhilated.
My really misplaced sense of masculinity is confusing because I convince myself above all else that despite the fact that at least 2 women have wanted to sleep with me before (I rejected both because i knew they were only interested in casual sex and one seemed to have issues where she wanted rough sex and I have a moral dilemma with both casual sex and rough sex) that I am an undesirable sack of garbage and that im basically the same as an old creep pervert who belongs behind bars and is a menace to women and broader society which caused me to get addicted fo reading incel shit for some time and hate women for not sleeping with me and hate myself even more (even though i am literally voluntarily celibate and a virgin for religious reasons).
I don’t know what to do with myself or if I can ever have a normal interaction with any future intimate partner if I let her know what happened to me and what my past fantasies were or if it may cause them to want to divorce me and not support me after finding out about my sexual assault and past porn addiction, especially with the conservative cultural background I come from and am surrounded by.
I still have these fantasies of abusing women but I trying to deprogram myself and get rid of them trying to read and watch more romantic non-pornograpgic series and films now.
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2021.09.20 10:52 drunksouls69 Probably have Covid, wish me luck reds.

I know this is unrelated to pvp. I don't give a fuck. It's my sub.
Anyway it just sucks cause I feel too shitty to do any invasions right now. I'm going to get tested today. I have this fever and my body is aching, and I'm dizzy as all hell, but other than that I have no symptoms. Normally a day home from work would mean hours of invasions, but I can't do that now. Too dizzy.
This is very shit. I just wanted you guys to know you're cool people, just in case I die.
I probably won't. I'm 25 with pristine health. I just get a lot of anxiety when I get sick. I haven't been sick in like 5 years so this hits my ego pretty hard. I always think I'm invincible.
Anyway I just came here to bitch. Jig and chattyalexander and cheese need to know what happened to me if I fall off the face of the earth lol. I trust them with the sub. Make it a cool place to be red.
submitted by drunksouls69 to badredman [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 10:52 Gar_eth Guilliman 40K Head Size?

Hiya, I don’t like the 40K Guilliman head at all so trying to get an alternative printed. I don’t have the model yet just planning this idea but wondered if someone could let me know the height of his bare head? A pic comparison with a normal marines bare head would also be handy. Thanks a lot in advance! :)
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2021.09.20 10:52 Casualmain Is Niko a cat or a person?

View Poll
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2021.09.20 10:52 ViceGeography What are your favourite unintentional Chomsky quotes/catchphrases?

I’ve noticed Chomsky tends to repeat himself a lot in various interviews/talks where he’s talking about the same subject and I’ve found a lot of these unintentionally funny
My favourite is whenever he talks about Alan Greenspan he always without fail introduces him sarcastically as “the great economic hero!” Alan Greenspan, it’s almost like it’s a running joke
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2021.09.20 10:52 wa_ssuppat 2021 Tesla Model 3 Screen Turns Off

Hello, I just got the car a week ago. I was wondering is if the Screen Automatically turns off as soon as you exit the car and close the door? I thought it stays on until the door is lock, but I could be wrong. I have the Walk-Away Lock Mode. I recently noticed that as soon as I close the door (before the car is lock) the screen turns off as I close the door. Is that Normal?
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2021.09.20 10:52 Every_Difference91 Sks headshot status free fire

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2021.09.20 10:52 Brianyeetamole Why do people have sex before marriage?

Question describes what I'm looking for. Like is it morally acceptable?
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2021.09.20 10:52 Minty_Flavor Classic Siege

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2021.09.20 10:52 exdrdesigner Agalar bu gönderiyi elden ele paylaşsak, yardımcı olsak harika olur be

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2021.09.20 10:52 t44s GGPoker bonus code 2022 - Up to $600 bonus

GGPoker bonus code NEWBONUS gets new players a 100% deposit bonus up to $600, or up to $100 in cash & free tickets when you deposit at least $20.
$600 bonus is a matched amount which is credited to your bonus balance and unlocks into cash as you play. $1 is unlocked for every $5 paid in net rake/tournament fees.
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2021.09.20 10:52 vtkong Mẫu thiết kế nội thất chung cư 120m2 3 phòng ngủ mang trong mình sự trẻ trung, lịch lãm, năng động nhưng không kém phần nhẹ nhàng, đằm thắm, sang trọng. Đây có thể coi là một mẫu thiết kế nổi trội được săn đón tìm kiếm nhiều nhất trong nửa đầu năm 2021 này. Bởi trong đó ẩn chứa biết bao nhiêu vẻ đẹp

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2021.09.20 10:52 Amadez_The_One YouTube recommended me too many marble race videos and I created OC's and a series I need to stop it is 3 am @~@

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2021.09.20 10:52 Fragrant_Piece_1113 Ft Ft Ft

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2021.09.20 10:52 IActuallyGetTheJoke broken controller

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2021.09.20 10:52 Plastic_band_bro best and worst assassins greed games?

what are the most and least favorite assassin's creed games for you guys ,for me origins and brotherhood are the best,i might be biased coz it is my country but origins was just too beautiful,climbing and scaling landmarks that i saw with my own eyes is just wonderful,plus bayek was too good of a character i wish he got a sequel despite the story being Meh,brotherhood was just perfect,the tombs,the recruiting,the leonardo missions,the cristina missions,
my least favorite are Ac3 ,it felt too flatt,buildings were not fun to climb and i did not care about any of the characters to be honest,also did not like valhala,it was too long for it is own good,and the side missions were just annoying,and i did not understand what was the purpose of the asgard questline

i wanna know what you guys think
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2021.09.20 10:52 Remmeltsje Trading my MM2 for Adopt Me pets. Mainly lf old pets/eggs or any leg besides metal ox or the robux ones. Please state an offer and we can negotiate from there

1× Eternal IV, 1× Blue Seer, 4× Clockwork, 1× Deathshard, 1× Eternal II, 2× Fang, 3× Flames, 3× Heat, 2× Pixel, 1× Red Seer, 1× Saw, 3× Tides, 1× Boneblade, 1× Hallows Edge, 3× Pumpking, 1× Spider, 1× Chill, 1× Eternalcane, 1× Handsaw, 1× Ice Dragon, 1× Lugercane, 1× Xmas
1× Blossom, 1× Hearts, 2× Passion, 1× Roses, 1× Sweatheart, 2× Valentine, 1× Tree set, 1× Cane set, 1× Snowy, 1× Nutcracker, 1× Carrot, 1× Ornament 1 set, 1× Ornament 2 set
1× Chroma Fire Bat, 1× Chroma Fire Bear, 1× Chroma Fire Pig
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2021.09.20 10:52 Harryputh Bru Luccas nude show boucing boobs <3

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2021.09.20 10:52 TweetArchiveBot Bronaldo Gouws 🇿🇦: Must be nice that when you miss the deadline for submissions you can just fake a problem and get the IEC to change the date for submissions. This sets a very dangerous precedent.

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2021.09.20 10:52 kanyenke_ Does it make sense to create a devlog to attract people if you dont have proper art yet?

What the title says: I want to start working on a 4x similar to old titles that some people may love from the past, like Master of Orion 2.
I would like to work on a prototype first, having a version with the least amount of features but that kinda feels fun or interesting.
I would love to start showcasing this process, but i have no art yet: I'm going to have just the gameplay with cubes and cylinders.
Is is worth to showcase then? Or maybe a devlog is not really that "prototype compatible".
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2021.09.20 10:52 newsdk København er blevet større, yngre, mere veluddannet, rigere og mere international – på Christiania er det anderledes

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2021.09.20 10:52 newsdk For få ansatte i ældreplejen kan få borgere til at savne bad og gulvvask

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2021.09.20 10:52 ValyEK_ *Come along with me - Battle theme starts playing*

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2021.09.20 10:52 puffyfurball on arrival of new cat food cats go crazy

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2021.09.20 10:52 Bagolyvagymi My pancake be looking kinda sus

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